Finding Yourself

     in your '40s

We women are so eager to wipe out the signs of age.

In pursuit of eternal youth, we forget that aging is a privilege. Age has come to us bearing gifts of wisdom, experience, and fortitude. Qualities, that would have stood us in good stead a mere decade ago, are now second nature.

The day I turned 40, I had an argument with a very dear friend of mine. Her fault? She broadcasted my birthday number to all. The thirty-nine-year-old me resisted entry into the wicked '40s. For me looking beautiful was important to my well-being. As I broke into the 40s, a wise voice in me began to question my desperation for being ‘beautiful’. What defines 'beautiful'? Why must my idea of beauty be so centered on the physical?

If you notice, men don’t go through this trauma of hitting the '40s as much as women. Reason? Male evolution of beauty is different from that of a female.

Boys want to become men & men, the gentlemen. The female evolution of beauty is different. Girls want to grow up into young women. Period.

Beauty evolution stops. We continue to lock ourselves into our younger self and fight the rear guard action.

Maya Angelou once said, “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”  And here I was, resisting to be the fabulous butterfly, wishing myself back into a cocoon!  

You Are Your Priority No.1

aging-gracefully-at-40As we grow older, we begin to accept our friends, colleagues, family for who they are. Yet, we seem reluctant to extend this same acceptance towards ourselves. We declare war on ourselves. We look ruefully at tightening clothes and loosening skin. We forget that age is just a number and that evolving & renewing as we age is the goal.

Ask yourself this, would you notice any of your flaws were you introduced to yourself for the very first time? Do you ever look at a stranger and think how they would look with a couple of inches knocked off, or with a different lipstick? Or are you more taken in by who they are today and what they bring to the table? 

By holding the freshness of youth as the only standard of beauty, we are devaluing the wisdom, the grace that we have gathered with each passing year.

Turning the Focus Inwards

It is time to change the narrative.

Spotlight on being the healthiest, happiest versions of our own selves. Time to stop the chase of the versions we once were or wanted to be. Frankly, in the '20s we often wind up under layers of makeup to fit in with the trend rather than reveling in our youthful glow; in our '30s, we are struggling to hide under our foundation what we consider as flaws.

It is the 40s that brings the understanding of the real transformational ability of makeup & power of disciplined skincare. 

You have spent decades evolving, and it would be a shame to hide that light under the bushel of conformity.


 The 40's bring a glorious combination of style and substance. We have careers and hobbies and friends and families. That makes the 40s very unique, very precious.

This whole is certainly more than an amalgam of vital statistics.

To hold ourselves ransom to a mere number is such a disservice. As we age, our needs and desires must shift, and the best way to love ourselves is to respect the transformation and adapt to the changes it brings. The first step towards this is to celebrate the age-perfect beauty we all bear, both within and on the outside.

'40s is truly liberating. It brings wisdom, confidence, courage, empathy & objectivity. 



Be your own beautiful!

Originally published on June 6, 2019

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